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jbcsee

Having my ex-wife declared legally incompetent

Location: Colorado

I'll get this out of the way from the start, I do not want to be appointed as her guardian. I just believe she is currently not capable of taking care of herself and without help the consequences will be dire.

She is bipolar 1, has been manic for over a year, and is currently in jail for felony menacing.

I won't go into too many details, but we were married for 13 years, I still care for her but she decided to stop seeking treatment for her bipolar disorder. After a year I could no longer live with her in a constant manic state, so I filled for a divorce. The divorce took a year and was finalized earlier this year. During the divorce proceedings and post divorce, I have continued to help her, because she is clearly unable to help herself in this state. That has come with a lot of abuse from her, which is why she is currently in jail as she threatened me with a weapon.

Now a week after the incident, she is still in jail, despite the bond being low enough that she can afford to pay it. I have no contact with her, so I don't know the reality of the situation, but based on her mental state before the incident I believe she thinks she doesn't need any help for this to be resolved. She just believes everything will work out because she is chosen by god to save the world. This combined with other indications, self harm, damaging her own condo, etc... leads me to believe she cannot currently take care of herself.

The problem is she is facing prison time if she doesn't get her shit together. I cannot help her, I cannot contact her at all, that is a legal requirement of my bond. I talked with my attorney this morning and he told me the best thing for my case is to wash my hands of this. However, it's hard to see someone you've known for 20 years face prison because they are incapable of properly taking care of themselves.

I'm worried that the jail and court systems will not see the fact that she is currently very unhealthy and just throw the book at her.

What are my options here?

Comments Section

humpspringa

I'm not OP, but it sounds like he wants to get her found incompetent via the courts so he can 'help' her via her attorney or bond or some other system instrument.

The details he's given sound like his case is at odds with hers, with a no-contact order in place (against his bond?), so I think staying away, per his attorney, is the best advice.

13
ravidsquirrels

Yea that makes sense. My mind just read things wrong. But yea thatd definitely by the way to go through the courts for the competency.

2
jbcsee

Our stories are not at odds.

You are making assumptions here, I'm an open book on this topic and I have no reason to lie.

She came to my house, started breaking things, threatened me, and in response I did something stupid and broke something as well. Everyone reaches their breaking point after enough abuse, I did on Tuesday last week. Unfortunately, that led to me being arrested as well. It's not something I proud of but it happened and I need to deal with it. Any domestic violence charges result in an automatic protective order here. Breaking something during a fight is criminal mischief with a domestic violence enhancement.

This is the latest in a string of abuse, where I have previously chosen to not involve the police, because she needs mental help not jail time. This is documented by my divorce attorney, but against her advisement I decided not to pursue this during the divorce. Since then I've actively been avoiding it as well, while trying to get her mental health help.

As for her mental state. It's well documented, she has been hospitalized 14 times during our marriage. In many of those cases, for exactly what I'm describing in my original comments, sever delusions.

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Emberwake

I believe you, and I understand that you want to help. But, please take a step back and consider:

  • The court told you to leave her alone.

  • Your attorney told you to leave her alone.

  • You asked Reddit and we told you to leave her alone.

Can you see the pattern yet? No matter how good your intentions, nothing good will come of this. Don't contact your wife, don't contact her attorney, don't ask your attorney to contact her attorney. Don't ask the court to declare her incompetent. Just do exactly what your lawyer instructs you to and not a single thing else.

I don't think you appreciate how delicate your own situation is. The courts are not disposed to give you the benefit of the doubt in a DV situation, and there are plenty of people who will assume malicious intent behind your story.

I understand that you care about your ex. I have an ex-wife that I care about. We parted on good terms, and it has been painful watching her make decisions that negatively impact her life. But you need to find a way to let go, because no matter how much you care, her life is not yours to manage. She is in the system now, and the state is going to do what it will do with or without your well-meaning suggestions.

Stop. Let go. Worry about yourself and let her lawyer worry about her.

3