Our call center is quite small anyway (small business), and we agents work on email correspondence as well as callers to fill up our workday.

Today is a holiday, so I’m the only one working.

Caller: “I’ve called ten times this morning and been told ten different things by ten different people, and I am very annoyed!”

Me: “We’ve been open for twenty minutes, I’m the only one working today, and you’re my third call.”

Caller: “…”

Me: “…”

Caller: *Click.*

I’m a nurse, in the breakroom, talking to a doctor as we both enjoy a short window to eat a sandwich. Another nurse walks in and beelines for the doctor.

Nurse: “[Patient] is asking to speak with you.”

Doctor: “Didn’t we discharge him? I prescribed [antibiotic]. What else does he need?”

Nurse: “He’s asking if the antibiotics will negatively affect his aura.”

Doctor: “That… is not something I am medically qualified to answer.”

Nurse: “Well, neither am I, but I figured you’re paid twice what I am, you can be twice as qualified to deal with what we’re unqualified for.”

Doctor: “Ugh… fine. Tell him his aura will need to wait for my sandwich, or my aura is seriously going to be negatively affected.”

He enjoyed his sandwich more slowly than usual that day.

CONTENT WARNING: Medical emergency involving a child

I worked in a buffet at a popular resort. Looking to get cut since it was slow, the manager seated me a last party of six. They were super nice people, very friendly and polite, and I didn’t mind serving them. They didn’t say they had any allergies or intolerances, so I went through my spiel and sent them on their way.

Fast forward to about half an hour later, my manager comes running up to me asking me for their information (last name, room number, etc). Here, their teenager was having an allergic reaction to something he ate. His reaction was so bad that our medics and paramedics were called.

His face turned bright red, his eyes were swollen shut, welts all over his body. I felt awful! This whole ordeal took over two and a half hours. The manager questioned me about our allergy protocol, which I did correctly. Everyone questioned the family and children. The family took “breaks” and were in and out of the restaurant, etc.

So… what happened?

Mom told medics she took her son to an allergist the previous week, and it was determined he was highly allergic to fish.

MOM ALLOWED HER SON TO HAVE SALMON BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT IT WAS CHICKEN.

A customer comes into the late-night pizza joint:

Customer: “Can I just get like a regular a** pepperoni pizza?”

Me: “I’m afraid we only do pepperoni pizza. We used to do a** pepperoni, but we got complaints about the flavor.”

Customer: “Y’know what? I’ll take one. No a**.”

We both smile, and I take his order. I had to explain to the manager when he came over at the same time as the customer asked me:

Customer: “Is my a**-free pepperoni ready yet?”

I work on the side as an Instacart shopper. I get a long (loooong) grocery list from a customer. In the notes section of the order:

Note: “You MUST purchase these items in alphabetical order. If you don’t… I’ll know.”

No way in h*** am I doing that! Also, the items weren’t even listed alphabetically on the shopping list, so she was expecting me to do the sorting AND then shop in that order. Heck no.

I got all the items for her, and she didn’t complain, so I guess she didn’t ‘know’ anything.