Customer: “I’ll get a trenta green iced tea, no sweetener.”

That’s a pretty normal order, so I ring her up and start the drink. While making it…

Customer: “Can I get the ice not floating?”

Me: *Puzzled.* “You mean… extra ice? Like fill the cup with ice?”

Customer: “No, I want less ice, if possible, but I want it to stay on the bottom of the cup.”

Me: “I can’t do that. Ice floats in water.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Uh… It’s been a while since high school science, but something to do with density? The ice is less dense than the water.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you get some ‘more dense’ ice?”

Me: “That’s… not something we have on the menu, ma’am.”

She gave me the dirtiest look as she left with her green tea and ‘ice that floats’.

CONTENT WARNING: Injury detail.

I work as a cook at an assisted living facility. One day, I’m the morning cook, having been there since 5:30 AM. It’s after lunch, and I’m cleaning up, getting ready to go home, when the evening cook, who is known to be accident-prone, comes up to me.

Evening Cook: “Hey, [My Name].”

I look down, and he has a paring knife sticking out of his arm.

Evening Cook: “I tripped. Could you please go get one of them?”

“One of them” referring to the nursing staff. I go and get the nurse. She doesn’t want to risk pulling it out in case it hit a vein. The angle of the knife is fairly shallow, so she wraps the whole thing in gauze and has me drive him to the emergency room. My other coworker was on vacation, and my boss wasn’t able to come in, so I had to stay for the whole day, until about 7 PM.

I’m early for my room check-in, so like a good little human, I’m sitting in the lobby and chilling in the air conditioning until normal check-in time. 

I see a guy walk up to the check-in counter and announce his arrival like some kind of diplomat at a ball.

Guest: “Mr. [Guest’s Name], Extra Super Duper Elite member, for the Poopy Doopy Suite.”

I might be taking slight creative license with the proper nouns there, but you get the gist.

Concierge: “Welcome, Mr. [Guest’s Name]! Thank you so much for choosing to stay with us!  As you’re a little earlier than your check-in time, we can’t get you checked in yet. The lounge access to—”

Guest: “Excuuuuse me?! I said I’m Super Shiny Elite member! Early check-in is automatic with my bookings!”

Concierge: “Yes, sir, but that is only if the room you’re checking into had the previous guests check out on time. If you were booking any other suite, then we could get you checked in right now, but since you specifically asked for the Poopy Doopy Suite, I’m afraid that will need to wait until 3 PM.”

Guest: “This is outrageous! I’m a Super Duper Shiny Elite Extra-Snooty member!”

Concierge: “Sir, I see that you requested a late check-out for 2 PM on your stay in the Poopy Doopy Suite for when you leave?”

Guest: “Yes, as is my right as a Super Duper Shiny Elite Extra-Snooty member!”

Concierge: “Well, so did the guests who stayed in the room before you. They’re also on the same membership level as you are. The housekeeping ladies are working their socks off to turn the whole suite around in under an hour, so please feel free to visit our members’ lounge and come back here for check-in at 3 PM.”

Guest: “But I’m a Super Duper Shiny Elite Extra-Snooty Douchey member!”

Concierge: “You sure are, champ!”

Guest: “…”

Concierge: “I’ll see you at 3 PM, sir. I’ll see the next person in line, now!”

I was so happy that the hotel provided a show to entertain me while I waited!

I work at an events space. The space is currently hosting a food festival, and I’m stepping in to help out security at the staff entrance while the regular security guys go to assist someone. Some guy I’ve never seen before just casually tries to walk past me.

Me: “Can I see a gate pass?”

Guy: “Dude, you must be new. Look, I know the manager, just let me in.”

Me: “No pass, no entry.”

Guy: “Come on, dude, don’t make me get you fired for this. If I have to call him, he’ll be p***ed.”

Me: “Go ahead, man. You should know, though, I’m the manager.”

Guy: *Not listening, dialing some fake numbers into his phone.* “Dude, you’re so fired.”

I stand there, smiling. It takes a matter of seconds before he realizes his bluff is completely useless and walks away, giving me the finger, shouting:

Guy: “Line was busy, but you’re still sooooo fired!”

I work in a bar in a rural area. Since we’re out in the sticks, locals tend to have loud opinions, most of which I tolerate.

Since it’s a quiet weekday at the bar, I’m watching footage of the Artemis mission as it travels to the moon. My quiet awe is ruined by a regular at the bar.

Regular: “What a waste of f****** money.”

Me: “That’s your opinion.”

Regular: “Never enough money in this country and NASA wastes billions on this crap! NASA never contributed anything to this country!”

Me: “Is this your way of asking me to change the channel?”

Regular: “Yeah, anything but this.”

I switch the TV off.

Regular: “What did you do that for?”

Me: “Sorry, we’re still on satellite TV here. As in satellite in orbit. Since NASA contributed nothing, I guess we can’t watch TV no more.”

The regular and I had a stare-down, and he went back to his drink, muttering things.

I turned the TV back on to enjoy the footage of the mission.

Me: “Since I, on the other hand, do believe in NASA’s contributions, I’ll continue to enjoy the footage.”

Regular: *Muttering intensifies.*