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Harry was in his 5th year of Hogwarts, but he was slowly growing sick and tired. His new defence against the dark arts teacher, Professor Umbridge, barely taught them. In fact, all she did was tell them to read from some insufferable book. Her voice also annoyed Harry, as it was high pitched, and it reminded Harry of Dudley. Dudley would scream like a little girl every time he had a nightmare, and often proceeded to beat Harry the next day, so Harry didn’t appreciate the constant reminder. To counter this, Harry would make makeshift earplugs, although this often involved sticking old bits of chewing gum and sweet wrappers up his ear canal, so he was constantly in the hospital wing being treated for ear infections. Madam Pomfrey was fed up of him.

One day, when hanging out with Ron and Hermione in the Gryffindor common room, Harry decided that he had enough.

“Guys, I’m leaving Hogwarts,” he announced.

Hermione sighed.

“How do you intend to do that, the staff will find you,” said Hermione.

“Well, I’ll think of something,” said Harry, and began intently staring at the fire, trying to think of some sort of idea.

After an hour, he began daydreaming, his mind slipping back to the day when he had to save Buckbeak with Hermione. He remembered it fondly, as it was the closest he had ever stood to a girl. But then, an idea flashed through his mind.

“Hey, I know. We’ll time travel,” said Harry.

Ron stared at him.

“Do you know how?” he asked.

“Obviously not, but I do,” said Hermione. “I read about it in “Post Death Dark Magic” and it’s actually quite easy”

Ron took a deep breath, before shouting.

“COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL,” Ron shouted for no apparent reason.

Harry and Hermione glared at him, so Ron quickly pulled out a mirror, and glared at his reflection.

“Sorry, I have Asparagus syndrome or whatever it’s called,” said Ron.

“Oh shut up Ron, you’re faking it because you don’t have a personality,” said Harry.

Ron ran off to cry in Ginny’s arms.
“Anyway,” said Hermione. “The spell is easy, but we do need to burn a Deathly Hallow for it to work. And we can’t control when and where we travel to,”

“Well, my cloak looks like a Deathly Hallow, let’s use that,” said Harry, ignoring Hermione’s warning

“Ok, sounds good, lets go and get Ron,” said Hermione.

They made their way to Ron and Ginny. Evidently Ron had calmed down, as he was kissing Ginny for no apparent reason.

“Oi Ron, have you calmed down yet?” asked Harry.

Ginny shoved Ron to the side, and stood up.

“Of course not, how dare you say that he’s faking his Asparagus syndrome,” said Ginny angrily.

“But he is, he only started doing it a few days ago,” replied Harry.

“YOU BIGOT!” yelled Ginny.

The other Gryffindors heard her shout, and formed a circle around them. “FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!” chanted the students.

“Ah shit,” Harry muttered.

“What’s the matter, are you scared?” said Ginny, tauntingly.

“No, I’m the boy who lived, not the boy who got scared,” said Harry.

No one laughed at this, in fact Harry saw everyone cringing at his words. Afraid of losing his practically non existent masculinity, Harry punched Ginny in the face. Ginny fell backwards with a sickening thud. Harry stared in horror as he noticed Ginny wasn’t getting up.

“I think I killed her,” Harry whispered to Hermione.

“Well lets go and get your cloak, quickly,” said Hermione urgently.

Around them, a few students had ran off to get Professor McGonnogal.

“Well Ron, are you coming?” asked Harry.

“Sure,” said Ron.

They made their way to the boys dormitory, and Harry began tearing threw his trunk in an effort to find his cloak.

“I swear if I left it at Grimmauld Place,” Harry muttered to himself.

Fortunately, this was not the case, and Harry found the cloak. He handed it to Hermione, who threw it on the floor.

“Incendio,” said Hermione.
The cloak was set ablaze, and Hermione stepped into the flame. Harry followed, biting back the urge to scream as the flames engulfed him. Ron stepped onto the cloak, seemingly unbothered.

“My parents used to burn me as a punishment,” said Ron, rather unhelpfully.

Hermione readied herself.

“TIME TRAVELIO MAXIMO,” yelled Hermione.

The flames turned purple suddenly, and were no longer painful. Suddenly, Harry saw the room spinning, faster and faster, until he could only see black. Still, he felt himself being spun around, and could hear Ron screaming somewhere nearby.

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Suddenly, Harry felt himself on solid ground, and his vision slowly came back. He saw that he was lying on some sort of gravel track, and the sun was shining down on him. He stood up, looking at the bottom of his robes, which were partially burnt. He saw Hermione getting up as well, leaving only Ron lying on the ground, balling his eyes out. The wet (and rather stinky) patch on Ron’s robes told Harry all he needed to know.

“Oh for fucks sake Ronald,” said Hermione, taking out her wand.

She was about to cast a spell, but they suddenly heard footsteps coming over. It was a man, seemingly dressed up as a peasant based on his clothes. He looked at the rather strange scene, very confused.

“What is going on here?” asked the peasant.

Harry shrugged.

“Ron pissed himself,” said Harry, trying to hold back laughter. “So who the hell are you?”

“I am but a humble peasant,” said the peasant.

“Ok, not my problem,” said Harry.

Harry decided to troll the peasant.

“Well, I am Sir Hardrada of Hogwarts,” said Harry.

Ron had finally stood up.

“And I’m Ron,” said Ron.

The peasant ignored Ron.

“Well, Hardrada, I’ve never heard of Hogwarts. Prove that you are a knight,” said the peasant.

“How?” asked Harry.

“I don’t know, say something only a knight would say,” said the peasant.

“Uhhh… I’m a knight?” said Harry cautiously.

“Oh my, so it is true,” said the peasant. “Forgive me, please”.

“Forgive you for what?” asked Harry. “Look, just tell me what year it is and where we are.”

The peasant seemingly turned a blind eye to that strange question.

“Why, 1350 of course. And we are in England,” said the peasant.

Harry nodded.

“Well, since I’m a knight, hand over all of your coins,” said Harry.

“But I haven’t got any,” the peasant protested.

“Well, I need money. Where can I get some, do the knights have a special bank or something?” Harry asked.

The peasant frowned.

“Most knights tax the peasants or something. They also join duelling tournaments for the prizes,” said the peasant.

“Perfect,” said Harry, a bit too enthusiastically. “So, where is the nearest tournament?” asked Harry.

“There’s one in London, and it starts in a week,” said the peasant.

“Alright, perfect. Bugger off now, before I kill you,” said Harry.

The peasant scampered off, and Harry turned to Ron and Hermione triumphantly.

“Haha, I’m a knight now,” said Harry happily.

“Wow, you managed to fool one peasant,” said Hermione sarcastically.

But Hermione’s attitude would not deter Harry.

“That means you two are my slaves or something,” said Harry.

Hermione simply pointed her wand at Harry, and he shut up.

“Well, lets go to London I guess,” said Ron.

Hermione did a locator spell, it turned out they were by the coast. It would take them around 5 days to walk there. They began walking down the gravel track, the opposite way the peasant went. Hermione discretely cleaned Ron’s robes with a spell. But after a few hours of walking, Harry had gotten bored.

“You know, I don’t think all this medieval crap is for me to be honest. Lets just go back,” complained Harry.

Hermione glared at him.

“Yeah, well we don’t have a Deathly Hallow to get back,” said Hermione angrily.

Harry hadn’t thought about this, so he decided to stop his whining. As night began to fall, Hermione led them into a forest. With a flick of her wand, she had constructed a small wooden house.

“Well, good luck you two,” said Hermione, walking into her new house and closing the door.

Harry and Ron looked at each other.

“Do you know how to do that?” asked Ron.

“Nah,” said Harry.

Ron looked around at the ground.

“Well, I guess we should try and find a spot to sleep,” said Ron.

However, Harry had a better idea. He gathered up some leaves to act as a mattress, and threw them on the roof of Hermione’s house, as the roof was flat for some reason. Harry then climbed onto the roof, ignoring Ron’s jealous looks. Although as he lay down, he wished that he had paid more attention in transfiguration class, perhaps he would have been able to conjure up a pillow and a few blankets.

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Harry woke up, having managed to get a few hours of sleep. He saw Ron had given up on sleep, and was standing up. When he saw Harry sit up, he instantly began complaining about all of the bugs that had bitten him. Harry thought that he deserved it, but decided not to start a conflict this early in the morning. He jumped off the roof, and banged on the door to Hermione’s house.

“Wake up, we should get going,” said Harry, rather angrily.

Hermione opened the door, and Harry was able to get a peak inside of the house. She had had a proper bed, with a mattress, blankets, and multiple pillows.

“Wow, and you couldn’t even share?” said Harry.

“Maybe you should have paid attention in class,” said Hermione.

Ron walked over.

“Well, we probably have ages to walk, so lets go,” said Ron.

“Actually, no,” said Hermione smugly. “I just remembered that I know how to apparate.”

Harry and Ron stared at her, before Ron screamed “COOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.”

“SHUT UP RONALD, OR I WILL LEAVE YOU HERE,” Hermione screamed for no apparent reason.

Ron fell to his knees, his hands clasped in prayer.

“Oh Hermione, please forgive me,” said Ron, sobbing.

Hermione proceeded to brutally beat Ron for the next minute, leaving him howling in pain. Ron then got back up, and Harry healed him, much to Hermione’s displeasure.

“So, shall we go?” asked Harry.

“Yeah, sure. Harry, take my hand. Now how do we take Ron with us without touching him?” Hermione thought out loud. Ron looked very offended.

Harry picked up a sturdy looking stick.

“Ok Ron, you hold one end, and I’ll hold the other,” said Harry.

However, Ron looked furious.

“For fucks sake Hermione, what is your problem?” he said angrily. “Why do you always favour Harry?”

“Because Harry is basically a gigachad compared to you,” said Hermione.

“Yeah, and I killed Ginny,” said Harry, who was very happy with the complement.

“Fair enough, she was a bitch anyway,” said Ron, although he still seemed angry.

Ron took one end of the stick, and Harry took the other, debating whether he should let go of the stick or not. Hermione took Harry’s hand, and Hermione began concentrating. Harry and Ron began waiting, and Harry started counting in his head. He had reached 50000 by the time Hermione finally managed to apparate. Harry decided against dropping Ron, as he could come in useful as a sacrifice or something later on. Finally, they landed in a random field.

“This isn’t London,” said Harry angrily.

Hermione pointed, and in the distance he saw London, although it looked much different to the London he recognised.

“So, what are we doing in this field then?” asked Harry.

“We need to get you a horse. And I had to make sure no one saw us,” said Hermione.

Harry scratched his head. Apparition didn’t work like that, you had to go to the location you wanted to apparate to before hand. Had Hermione been here before? Although Harry dismissed this, she must have gone on a walk near London or something. Ron interrupted his thoughts.

“Look, there’s a horse,” said Ron, pointing to a stable. Indeed, there was a horse there.

“Well spotted Ronald,” said Hermione, leading them to the stables.

“Ok Harry, have you ever ridden a horse before?” asked Hermione.

“No, but I rode a hippogriff,” said Harry. “So how much harder can a horse be?”

Harry entered the stable, and approached the horse. It let out a high pitched whinny, so Harry decided it was friendly enough, and began trying to mount the horse. After failing miserably for a few minutes, even the horse grew tired and sat down so Harry could get on. Hermione began laughing at him.

“Oi, shut up,” said Harry. “I’m a knight now”

Hermione seethed.

“And you have to walk, ez,” laughed Harry. “Alright horsey, lets go”

The horse walked out of the stable, and soon they were on the road to London. They were passing a wooded section, when a few men jumped out of the trees.

“Give us your gold,” said one of them.

Harry waved his hand dismissively.

“Nah, not interested, goodbye,” said Harry.

“Oh, sorry,” said the same man, rather sheepishly.

They passed without incident, and soon found themselves at the city gates.

“Let us in,” Harry demanded to one of the guards.

The guard frowned.

“You do realise the gate was open, right? The guard asked.

Harry snarled, before nudging the horse to start moving again. They began walking through London, Harry telling random people that he was a knight, although they all ignored him. Finally, Hermione grew fed up.

“Harry, shut up. We still need to get you armour and a sword, or no one will believe that you are a knight,” said Hermione.

“Can’t you just transfigure something?” asked Harry.

“I really can’t be bothered. You need to do something yourself for once,” replied Hermione.

“Fine, let’s find a blacksmith then,” said Harry.

They continued their journey through London, before conveniently running into a market. Ron’s mouth started watering at the smell of food, so Hermione glued his mouth shut. Ron started stomping his feet like a little child, but Hermione ignored him. Harry saw a blacksmith, and headed over. He jumped off his horse, trying to seem threatening, even though his knees buckled as he landed.

“Make me some armour and a sword THIS INSTANT,” said Harry loudly.

The blacksmith looked rather confused.

“Have you got any gold?” he asked.

“No, but I’m a knight, so you have to do whatever I say,” said Harry pompously.

The blacksmith laughed. “What sort of a knight has to beg for armour? Run along kid.”

“NO I WILL NOT,” Harry screamed. “MY NAME IS SIR HARDRADA OF HOGWARTS”

The blacksmith looked at him angrily.

“Listen kid, either you pay me, or you get nothing,” the blacksmith snapped.

At this point, Harry was growing tired. He remembered Moody teaching everyone about the imperius curse, so he decided to try that. Harry discretely took out his wand, and muttered “imperio”. Evidently it worked, as the blacksmith simply nodded and began making a new set of armour, as well as a sword.

“Oh yeah, and get me a shield as well,” said Harry.

The blacksmith nodded. Harry watched the blacksmith working, before turning back to Ron and Hermione.

“Well, I reckon I’ll win this idiotic tournament now,” said Harry.

Hermione nodded.

“Hey, why isn’t Ron talking?” Harry asked.

“I had to glue his mouth shut,” said Hermione.

“Oh, good riddance. He would have probably exposed us for being time travellers or something,” said Harry.

Hermione stomped on his foot, and Harry seemed to get the hint. After a few hours of standing there, the blacksmith handed Harry his new armour, and Harry put it on. He took his shield, and tested his new sword by stabbing Ron, then having Hermione heal him. It was getting dark now, and Harry was bored.

“Let’s go to one of those pubs,” said Harry. Without waiting for Hermione to respond, Harry strode in, still wearing his armour, and dragging his horse into the pub as well. The barkeeper looked furious.

“GET OUT,” yelled the barkeeper.

Harry took this as a challenge.

“NO, I WILL NOT. DUEL ME,” Harry yelled back.

The barkeeper motioned for two burly looking men to walk over.

“Ah, I’ll duel these retards then,” said Harry, before swinging his sword wildly, cutting one of their arms off.

The other man charged, so Harry stepped out of the way. His horse, who was now terrified, stood on it’s hind legs and kicked the other man in the head, sending him to the floor, unconscious.

“HAHA. I AM SIR HARDRADA OF HOGWARTS,” Harry yelled triumphantly. “AND IF ME AND MY FRIENDS DON’T GET FREE DRINKS ALL NIGHT, I WILL KILL ALL OF YOU.”

The barkeeper nodded, terrified.

Chapter Text

Harry couldn’t remember anything else that happened that night, but the state of the pub told him enough. Seemingly, most of the patrons had left, whilst others were also passed out, drunk. His head hurt like crazy, but he stood up anyway. His horse was drinking something out of a barrel, and swaying rather suspiciously.

“Ah, this is bullshit,” said Harry out loud.

“Indeed it is, how stupid are you lot?” asked Hermione, who had seemingly appeared out of nowhere.

“Where were you?” asked Harry.

“Oh, I left to go exploring. Ron kept trying to kiss me,” she said.

“And where is Ron?” asked Harry.

“In the cellar,” said Hermione.

Harry spotted a door, with a convenient label that said cellar, so he opened it and walked down the stairs. There, he saw Ron, also stirring awake.

“Oi Ron, let’s get out of here. I think we should stay away from this pub for a while,” said Harry.

Ron nodded, and Harry quickly unglued his mouth.

Harry walked outside, and his horse followed him, swaying dangerously. Hermione flicked her wand, and the horse was normal again, so Harry got on it.

“We need to find the actual tournament place and sign up,” said Harry.

“Sure, follow me, I found it last night,” said Hermione.

Harry and Ron followed Hermione through the streets of London. Harry noticed he was getting a few suspicious looks, but decided that all of the dirty commoners must be scared of him. This was true, in a way, as he still had dried blood on his sword. Soon, they arrived at a large wooden stadium, and Harry saw a sign up booth, so he headed over.

“Let me join the tournament,” said Harry.

A man at the booth looked up at him.

“Knights only,” said the man.

“Yeah, I am Sir Hardrada of Hogwarts,” said Harry.

“Never heard of you. Do you have any proof, a family tree for example?” asked the man.

“Nah, but I have this,” said Harry, showing the man his sword.

The man snorted. “I have guards either side of the booth”.

Harry scratched his head, looking at the guards, and he saw Hermione using the imperius curse on both of them.

“Oh yeah, imperio,” said Harry.

The man nodded, and scribbled Harry’s name down.

“Plot 53 is all yours,” said the man.

Harry quickly rode the horse away from the booth.

“So, where is plot 53? And what do we do there?” asked Harry.

“Typically set up a tent for the duration of the tournament,” replied Hermione. “And follow me, since you’re so useless”

They made their way through a sea of tents, the place seemed bustling. Harry looked around, he liked the place due to the amount of handmaidens. Hermione seethed. They arrived at plot 53, and Harry finally took his armour off, before laying down on the grass.

“Alright, you lot set everything up, cos I’m a knight and all of that stuff,” said Harry. His relaxation time was rudely interrupted by Hermione’s shoe stomping on his face, breaking his nose.

“GET UP,” Hermione shrieked.

Harry got up, and Hermione healed his nose.

“Harry, you have to stop with your superiority complex,” said Hermione.

Although in Harry’s opinion, Hermione was acting a lot worse than him, although he decided to stay silent. Soon, Hermione had set up a nice tent, big enough to fit all 3 of them and the horse.

“Alright, now I’m going to sleep,” said Harry.

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Harry conveniently slept through the rest of the waiting period. Well, he didn’t want to, but Hermione kept casting a spell on him to make him fall asleep. She told him it was because he was insufferable. Hermione finally let him wake up on the day the tournament started. Harry stood up, fuming.

“By the way, the tournament starts today,” said Hermione.

“What? But I didn’t even have the chance to practice,” said Harry, horrified.

Hermione shrugged.

“Don’t worry mate, you stabbed me quite well at the blacksmiths,” said Ron, clapping Harry on the back.

“Well, let’s go to the arena or whatever,” said Harry, stepping out of the tent.

He saw groups of knights and their servants, although all of the knights were still on their horses, so Harry hopped on his horse as well, after putting his armour on. He followed the rest of the knights to the stadium, which was bustling with people.

“Holy shit, there’s so many hot girls,” said Harry happily.

“I’m right here you know,” snapped Hermione, although Harry completely ignored her hint.

The knights and their servants were given their own special waiting area on either side of the stadium. On one side of the spectator stands were all of the commoners, and on the other side everyone seemed to be much better dressed, so Harry figured that it was all of the rich people. And in the very centre, sitting on a rather fancy chair, was a man wearing a crown. Harry figured this was the king. Although Harry’s focus was soon ripped away from the king by a girl sitting to his right. She was beautiful. An idea flashed through his mind. If he could somehow seduce the girl, who Harry assumed was the princess, he could become royalty and enjoy a comfortable life.

Suddenly, a man stood up.

“WELCOME, EVERYONE. WELCOME TO THE MONTHLY LONDON JOUSTING TOURNAMENT,” yelled the man, and the crowd erupted into applause.

Harry looked confused. “Jousting?” he hissed at Hermione. “But I only have a sword”

“Oh Harry, you’ll figure it out. Plus, there’s lances over there,” said Hermione, exasperated.

“OUR FIRST DUEL WILL BE BETWEEN SIR CUMFERENCE AND SIR PRANCELOT,” yelled the commentator guy.

Two knights on horses stepped forward, readying themselves on either side of a long wooden barrier.

“LETS HAVE A BIG CHEER FOR SIR CUMFERENCE, WHO IS VERY FAT AS YOU CAN SEE. AND THE OTHER ONE IS JUST IRRELEVANT,” yelled the commentator. The crowd started screaming and applauding.

“OK, 3 POINTS TO WIN, OR YOUR OPPONENT HAS TO WITHDRAW OR DIE. NOW GO!” the commentator yelled.

Both knights were handed a lance by their servants, and charged, lances pointed forwards. When they reached each other, they rammed their lances into each other. Unfortunately, Sir Prancelot, a rather skinny man didn’t have the strength to knock Sir Cumference off his horse, and fell himself. This continued two more times, before Sir Cumference was declared as the winner. A few more fights took place, before Harry heard “SIR JAMES AND SIR HARDRADA”.

“Don’t give me a lance, I don’t need one,” Harry whispered to Ron and Hermione.

Harry rode his sword to the starting area, before taking his helmet off, and standing on his horse.

“I AM SIR HARDRADA,” Harry yelled. He heard whispers all around the stadium, but he didn’t care. He glanced up at the kings chair, and the king looked rather unamused. On the other hand, the princess seemed to be giggling. “Haha, she must be attracted to me” Harry thought to himself.

“AND, I WILL BE DEFEATING SIR JAMES WITH JUST THIS STICK,” Harry yelled, taking out his wand.

Ron and Hermione facepalmed.

“Wow, he has some nerve,” the princess whispered to the king.

“Shut it, Mary. You will be marrying that banker,” said the king.

“Oh but father, he has such a repulsive nose,” Mary whined.

“Yeah, but he has money,” said the king.

In the meantime, Harry sat back down on his horse, and put his helmet on. He watched as Sir James was handed a lance.

“AND GO,” yelled the commentator.

Harry’s horse began running at Sir James, and he readied his wand. When he was somewhat close, he whispered “Bombarda,” and Sir James was sent flying off his horse.

The crowd erupted into applause and shocked gasps. Harry grinned. He could surely woo the princess this way. Round two started, and Harry pulled the same trick. This time, Sir James stood up, furious.

“HE’S CHEATING. THIS IS SOME SORT OF SORCERY,” yelled Sir James.

The commentator pulled out a piece of parchment and began scanning it.

“Well actually, sorcery isn’t against the rules,” said the commentator. “But I suppose sir Hardrada should use a lance for the next round”

Ron handed Harry a lance.

“Ah, shit,” Harry whispered to Ron. “What the fuck do I do?”

“You should enchant the lance or something,” Ron whispered, before running back to Hermione.

Harry desperately racked his brain, trying to figure out a spell that would work. But then he realised, all he needed to do was shoot the lance at Sir James from a distance.

“AND GO,” yelled the commentator.

Both horses charged, and Harry waited for the right moment, before muttering a spell. His lance was sent flying, hitting Sir James with surprising force, and sending him flying off his horse. The crowd cheered.

“Wow, he’s so good at jousting,” whispered Mary to her father.
“Don’t be stupid, he’s not even jousting. We must ban sorcery in time for next month,” said the King.

“SIR HARDRADA WINS,” the commentator yelled, as Harry rode his horse back to Ron and Hermione. He could feel literally everyone staring at him.

“Mate, that was brilliant,” said Ron happily.

“Cheers,” said Harry, taking his helmet off.

“You do realise all of these people are extremely superstitious?” asked Hermione. “They’ll burn you at the stake or something like that”

“Yeah yeah,” said Harry dismissively. He glanced up at the Princess, and he could have sworn that she had been watching him as well.

More and more fights happened, and the day dragged on. Then, Harry heard him being called up once again. This time he would be fighting Sir Percy. This time, Harry knew that he didn’t need any sort of introduction.

“WE HAVE SIR HARDRADA ONCE AGAIN, AND SIR PERCY. AND FIGHT,” yelled the commentator.

Harry charged, carrying just his wand again. “Bombarda”. Sir Percy was knocked off his horse, and the crowd gasped in awe.

“Dang, jousting is easy,” Harry whispered to himself.

Round two was the same, but for round three Harry knew he had to use a lance once again. Ron handed him his lance.

“AND GO”

This time, Harry enchanted the lance to act as a homing missile of sorts, it would follow Sir Percy until it hit him. To add some legitimacy to it, Harry threw it in Sir Percy’s general direction, and began watching. Sir Percy dodged the lance, but it simply looped back around, flying at him again. The crowd gasped.

“Father, surely this guy is better than that banker?” asked Mary.

“He’ll be no good once he’s been executed after this tournament,” replied the King.

“Oh, but that’s so harsh!” exclaimed Mary.

“Sweetheart, you had your only brother executed because he was stronger than you. God, that was the biggest mistake of my life,” the King said, sighing sadly.

Soon, Sir Percy grew tired of dodging, and accepted his fate. The lance hit him, knocking him off his horse. The crowd cheered.

“SIR HARDRADA WINS,” yelled the commentator.

A few more fights happened, before the commentator announced that all the fights were over for the day. Harry rode back to his tent, triumphant.

“Well, this tournament is going to be easy,” said Harry.

“Yeah, obviously. Considering that you’re cheating,” snapped Hermione.

“Didn’t you hear what the commentator said? Sorcery isn’t against the rules,” said Harry.

“Yeah, exactly,” said Ron.

“SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU,” yelled Hermione. “Harry, you wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for me, so you better learn your place”

Harry scratched his head.

Chapter Text

Suddenly, the tent was opened, and a young woman walked in. Ron immediately started drooling.

“Sir Hardrada, the Princess would like to see you,” said the woman. “Alone” she added, as Hermione stood up.

Harry followed the woman out of the tent, smirking at Hermione as he left. Unbeknownst to Harry, Hermione proceeded to beat Ron again, her rage and jealousy growing stronger. The woman led Harry out of the main tent area, to an area with much better looking tents. She stopped at the front of a large tent, which was red.

“She is waiting in there,” said the woman, before walking away.

Harry strode into the tent, although he felt rather stupid in his armour. He looked around the tent, it was much better than the tent Hermione had conjured up. It even came with a hot princess, which Harry thought was the best part. She wore a blue dress, and was watching him rather intently.

“Sir Hardrada,” said the Princess. “Please, take off your helmet. I would like to see your face up close”

Harry quickly took his helmet off, trying to maintain eye contact as the Princess gazed at him.

“That was an impressive performance today,” said the Princess.

“Oh yeah, that was nothing. So, what is your name?” asked Harry.

“Mary,” said Mary.

Harry nodded.

“That’s a pretty good name,” said Harry.

Mary frowned.
“Hardrada, we are not here to discuss names. I have something very important that I must tell you,” said Mary.

“And what’s that?” asked Harry.

“My father, the king, he intends… he intends to have you executed after this tournament,” murmured Mary.

“What, why? I didn’t even do anything,” said Harry.

“For sorcery, of course. And I might have said something,” said Mary.

“Said what?” asked Harry.

“Nothing,” replied Mary, blushing.

Harry wondered why she even cared.

“Well, will I at least get my reward for winning?” asked Harry.

Mary shrugged. “I don’t know”

Harry scratched his head.

“Well, that sucks. Thanks for the warning,” said Harry, turning around to leave.

“No, wait!” said Mary, a hint of desperation in her voice. “There’s something else”

“What?” asked Harry.

“My father, he wants me to marry this banker,” said Mary. “And, and he’s repulsive”

Harry failed to see how that was his problem, but he knew that if the princess got married, he would never become a royal.

“Well, what do you know of him?” asked Harry.

“Not much, just that he has a big nose, and he cackles evilly. I also heard that he drinks children's blood,” said Mary, shuddering at the thought.

“What’s his name?” asked Harry.

“Anthony Goldstein,” replied Mary.

Harry’s eyes widened.

“Wait, what? Does he have blonde hair?” asked Harry.

Mary nodded.

“Holy shit! I always knew he looked a bit suspicious!” exclaimed Harry.

Mary looked confused.

“You know him?” she asked.

“Yeah yeah, something like that,” said Harry dismissively.

She frowned at him.

“Look, this is terrible. We ought to leave right after this tournament. That way I don’t have to be executed as well,” said Harry.

Mary’s expression softened instantly.

“Oh my, how roman- I mean clever,” said Mary.

Harry nodded, pleased with his own ingenuity.

“Well Mary, I’m glad we’ve met properly. Hopefully I’ll see you soon,” said Harry.

Mary nodded.

“Of course. Goodbye, Hardrada,” said Mary.

Harry headed out of the tent.

“Oh and by the way, I’m not a Roman,” Harry yelled into the tent before walking away, leaving Mary rather confused.

Harry made his way back to his own tent, and headed inside. He saw Ron hiding in the corner. Hermione shot up from her chair.

“Well, what did that bitch want?” demanded Hermione.

“She’s not a bitch, she’s actually really nice,” replied Harry.

“Oh yeah, and I’m not?” Hermione snarled. “Now, what the fuck did she want?”

“Uhh, nothing. Just to say hi I guess,” said Harry, who was growing more and more wary of Hermione.

“And she didn’t do anything, did she?” asked Hermione.

“Oh, she did lots of things,” said Harry.

Hermione looked horrified, before her face contorted with rage. “SUCH AS?”

“Uhh, she breathed, talked, you know all of that stuff,” said Harry.

“I meant did she do anything to you?” asked Hermione.

Harry wondered whether he should tell Hermione that he found her attractive, but decided against it.
“No, nothing,” Harry muttered.

“Thank god,” said Hermione, her voice softening.

“Anyway, what happened to Ron?” asked Harry, gesturing to Ron.

“Oh, I beat him while you were gone,” said Hermione casually.

“Why?” asked Harry.

“I just felt like it,” Hermione snapped.

Harry wondered who was more dangerous at this point, the king, Anthony Goldstein or Hermione. It was certainly a close battle, if Hermione was already beating Ron, who knows what she would do. Hermione seemed to notice Harry being lost in thought.

“Harry, stop thinking!” she exclaimed.

“Why?” asked Harry.

“Because… because I can’t read your… NEVER MIND,” said Hermione.

Harry thought this was rather suspicious, and he didn’t know if he wanted to spend anymore time in the tent with Hermione, or around her in general. Even Ron was acting better than her.

Chapter Text

Harry woke up the next day, eager for the second day of the tournament. He headed out of the tent on his horse, joining the flurry of knights heading to the arena. Ron meekly trailed behind Hermione as she followed Harry’s horse. Soon, they arrived at the arena, and Harry felt the crowd stare at him. Evidently they had high expectations of him, although Harry knew that winning would be easy.

“AND WELCOME TO THE SECOND DAY OF THE JOUSTING TOURNAMENT,” yelled the commentator. “AS YOU CAN SEE, SOME KNIGHTS HAVE BEEN KNOCKED OUT OF THE COMPETITION”

Indeed, there were much less knights waiting to fight this time. Soon, the fights had started once again. Harry’s first fight was against Sir Cumference, the fat knight from yesterday. His horse charged, and Harry used bombarda, sending Sir Cumference flying off his horse. He landed, making a small crater in the ground. The crowd cheered, seemingly no one liked Sir Cumference, so Harry decided to put on a show. The next round started, and Harry charged again. This time he used “Crucio” on the knight.

Sir Cumference howled in pain, dropping his lance in panic as he began sweating profusely. Soon, he dropped to the ground, screaming.

“MAKE IT STOP, HELP!” yelled Sir Cumference.

“HAHA, GLUTTONY IS ONE OF THOSE RETARDED SINS,” Harry yelled triumphantly.

“PLEASE,” cried Sir Cumference.

“ALRIGHT FINE,” Harry yelled, and stopped the curse.

Sir Cumference lay there for a few minutes, before standing up.

“I WITHDRAW,” he yelled through his tears, and waddled out of the arena as the crowd cheered.

“SIR HARDRADA WINS,” yelled the commentator.

Obviously, Harry won all of his fights, happily sneaking glances at the princess, who appeared to be simping for him. This was brilliant, in Harry’s opinion anyway. Soon, the fights ended, and Harry retreated back to their tent. He decided that he would go and speak to Mary himself tonight.

“Well, I have some errands that I need to run,” said Harry.

Ron shrugged, but Hermione looked at him suspiciously.

“What errands? Nothing to do with the princess right? She’s such a cow!” exclaimed Hermione.

Harry frowned.

“Hermione, with all due respect, how is it any of your business,” retorted Harry.

“Because I do everything! I made this tent, I got us here, and I’ve done everything for you since we got to Hogwarts,” said Hermione.

“Oh well, cope harder,” said Harry, and strode out of the tent.

Ron hastily ran out after him.

“I can’t take another night of being beaten,” said Ron.

“Yeah, fair enough. But why don’t you do anything?” asked Harry.

“Because I suck at magic,” said Ron.

“True. Look, just don’t follow me, I’m going to visit the princess,” said Harry.

Ron nodded, and headed in the other direction. Harry made his way to Mary’s tent, and strode inside without warning. He saw Mary with two handmaidens, who were talking about dresses.

“Alright, dresses are boring,” said Harry to the handmaidens. “Get out, now”

The handmaidens looked at Mary.

“It’s fine, you can go,” said Mary.

The handmaidens left.

“Oh wow!” said Mary. “You’re so confident”

“Yeah, I know,” said Harry, puffing out his chest, although this wasn’t noticeable under Harry’s armour as he hadn’t bothered taking it off.

“Well, why are you here? To claim me before that ghastly banker does?” asked Mary breathlessly.

“What? No. But we need to sort out a plan, as the tournament ends tomorrow,” said Harry.

“Oh yeah, a plan,” said Mary, rather disappointedly. “So what did you have in mind?”

“Well, I take the gold I get as a reward for winning, we take my horse and make a run for it,” said Harry.

Mary nodded, although her mind was already preoccupied with images of Harry bravely fighting off guards as they fled.

“Yeah…” she said.

Harry stood there, watching her daydream, before she finally snapped out of it.

“But there’s one problem. Goldstein will be there,” said Mary.

Harry thought for a moment. Surely even if this was the same Goldstein, there would be no way he would recognise him.

“And he’s the one giving away the prizes,” Mary added.

“Well, we’ll just have to clean the gold afterwards,” said Harry.

Mary nodded, and took a step closer to him.

“Why is it that you always wear your armour?” she asked.

“Uhh, I don’t really know,” said Harry.

“Well, take it off then,” said Mary.

Harry took the armour off, revealing his now crumpled Hogwarts uniform.

“Perhaps we should find you some new clothes on our travels,” said Mary.

Harry nodded.

“Oh Hardrada, this is so exciting!” exclaimed Mary, before throwing herself at him.

Even though she managed to knock Harry onto the floor, rather painfully, Harry had the best night of his life. Ron slept on the grass, while Hermione spent the night pacing up and down the tent, screaming and cursing Harry and the princess. Harry’s horse rushed out and joined Ron.

Chapter Text

Harry woke up, having had the best sleep of his life. He climbed out of bed, hastily putting on his clothes and armour before Mary woke up.

“Are you leaving?” asked Mary.

“Yeah, I really need to go and find my horse. But I’ll see you tonight, right after the tournament,” said Harry.

Mary nodded, and Harry rushed out of her tent. On the way back to his, he saw Ron still sleeping on the ground, and his horse next to Ron. Harry prodded Ron awake.

“Oi Ron, get up. I still have one more day of fights left,” said Harry.

Ron groaned and stood up.

“Have you seen Hermione at all?” asked Harry.

“No. And I don’t think I want to,” said Ron, grimacing.

Harry couldn’t blame him.

“Well, let’s get to the arena early I guess,” said Harry.

Ron nodded, and they made their way to the arena. The stadium was slowly filling up with people. Then, Harry spotted him. Anthony Goldstein was making his way to a seat suspiciously close to the kings seat. This was certainly the same one that Harry knew.

“Oi Ron, do you know that guy?” asked Harry, gesturing in Anthony’s direction.

Ron looked, his eyes widening in shock.

“No way, that’s the Goldstein bloke,” said Ron in disbelief.

Soon, more knights started arriving. Suddenly, Harry heard Hermione’s angry voice.

“Well, were where you?” hissed Hermione.

“None of your business,” said Harry angrily. “Mudblood,” Harry added.

“How dare you, after everything?” snapped Hermione.

“Yeah, after everything. You’ve done more than enough damage, and you’re not my servant anymore. Scram,” said Harry.

Hermione stormed off, to both Harry and Ron’s delight.

“Coooool,” Ron muttered under his breath.

Soon, the tournament started again. Harry easily won his fights, although this time he decided not to use Crucio. The crowd erupted into applause each time, and he soon heard “SIR HARDRADA” being chanted throughout the stadium.

Soon, it was the final battle, the battle that would decide the winner of the tournament. Harry was against Sir Humphrey, although the knight seemed rather terrified of Harry, so he knew it would be an easy win. Harry scored a point, then another, then used the homing missile trick for the final point. Everybody cheered, and Harry heard his name being chanted once again.

“AND SIR HARDRADA WINS,” yelled the commentator. “SIR HARDRADA, MR GOLDSTEIN HAS YOUR PRIZE”

Harry dismounted his horse, and strode over to Anthony. Anthony cackled for no apparent reason, rubbing his hands together as he dished out a handful of gold coins, and handed them to Harry.

“He he he he,” Anthony cackled as Harry strode off.

In the meantime, the king alerted one of his guards to spread the word. Harry was to be captured immediately. Upon hearing this, Mary quickly excused herself, and rushed down into the arena. She ran over to Harry, who was now talking to Ron excitedly.

“Hardrada, we must leave immediately!” exclaimed Mary.

Ron’s face fell.

“You’re leaving?” asked Ron, dejected.

Harry nodded.

“Look mate, once you find yourself a girlfriend you’ll understand. Here, take a coin,” said Harry, handing Ron a gold coin.

“Thanks. Well, good luck mate,” said Ron.

“Yeah, no problem,” said Harry.

Ron watched as Harry helped Mary onto his horse, and as Harry climbed up after her. Harry tugged the reins, and the horse began running. Suddenly, guards sprang into action, running at the horse with swords and spears.

“BOMBARDA,” Harry yelled, and the guards were sent flying back.

The horse galloped out of the main stadium, and they were reaching the exit when Harry saw Hermione standing there, with her wand.

“IF I CAN’T HAVE YOU, NO ONE CAN,” Hermione yelled. “AVADA KEDAVRA”

Harry saw the spell in slow motion. It was green, pure evil. He had no time to dodge it, and it hit Harry. Harry should have died, yet he found himself in a white room, with merely a bench in sight. Harry scrambled up, and saw Dumbledore.

“Ah, Harry. Where have you been?” asked Dumbledore.

“Oh yeah, I time travelled. Anyway, I don’t have time for this shit, bye,” said Harry.

With that, Harry woke up. He sat up, as he heard Mary’s relieved sobs behind him. But his sight was set in front of him. Hermione was there, her face red with rage as Harry sat back up.

“YOU BITCH,” yelled Harry. “ACCIO WAND”. Hermione’s wand was ripped out of her hand, and Harry caught it.

“Well, time to die,” Harry spat.

He saw Ron in the corner of his eye, but he didn’t care about what Ron thought at this point. This was between him and Hermione. Hermione began trembling.

“No, Harry please. Remember the good times,” Hermione begged, tears streaming down her face.

“TOO LATE. AVADA KEDAVRA,” Harry yelled.

The spell should have hit Hermione, in fact it was inches away from her, when she disappeared with a loud crack.

“Shit,” Harry muttered.

“Where did she go?” asked Mary.

“Never mind that, we should go,” said Harry, glancing back at a group of guards who stood there, stunned.

Harry tugged at the reins, and the horse sprang into action. He yelled goodbye at Ron one last time, feeling rather guilty for leaving him all alone in the past, especially after killing his sister, but Mary was much more important than Ron.

They rode out of London as the sky grew darker and darker, and Harry stopped on the top of a hill as the sun set.

“Well, Hermione will be after us. But I will protect you,” said Harry, determination in his voice.

“Oh, how romantic!” exclaimed Mary.

“By the way, my name is Harry, not Hardrada,” said Harry.

Mary shrugged.

“I always thought Hardrada did sound a bit funny,” she said.

The sun slowly set, replacing light with dark, hiding the impure actions Harry and Mary were engaging in.