Law of attraction ruined me
I’ve been diving into the Law of Attraction (LOA) for a while now, and honestly, it’s had a bigger impact on my life than I ever expected—though not in the way I thought it would. At first, it felt empowering, but over time, things took a darker turn, and now I feel like it’s completely shattered me.
I was affirming for a guy who love-bombed me so intensely, only to later reject me, saying he never felt that way about me. He told me I was different, that I deserved better, and that he needed to sort out his mental health. I was shattered, but I convinced myself that maybe the universe was testing me. I thought the love-bombing was a sign, and I continued to talk to him, affirm, and visualize our future together.
Now, I’ve found out he’s been talking to another girl the whole time! They’re even in a relationship now, while I was here waiting, affirming, and letting my life fall apart. It was never about me—never! I neglected my finances, passed up great opportunities, all while holding on to the hope that he would come back. I was waiting for a narcissistic man who didn’t care.
The Law of Attraction is a scam. I’ve lost faith completely. I’m shivering constantly, feeling ruined while this man is out there enjoying his life, working out, and bettering himself for his new girl. I find myself breaking down unexpectedly in public, and I can’t shake the feeling that this whole thing has destroyed me.
Edit: All the comments here feel like God speaking to me. This is truly therapeutic. I’m in tears, re-reading each and every comment. I will heal and make sure to pay it forward!
I’m sorry dear but it sounds like you had this guy guy on a massive pedestal.
And you had way too much energy obsessively directed on him. You said so yourself as you were neglecting the other areas of your life. You have to be good without your desire in order to receive it.
If you still want him first I’d take a break, then focus on sc. Time to be the main focus in your life.
I realize now that I directed my energy in the wrong way. But during the love bombing, I was the happiest I’d ever been with him and genuinely fell for him. I even wished him success and overlooked all his flaws while he was busy pursuing someone else. In hindsight, I know I should have walked away when he first rejected me. To him, I was nothing—just an experiment. I feel sick.
If I had not known about the Law of Attraction, I might have acted more rationally and saved myself from deeper mental damage. I would’ve focused on myself rather than spending time affirming and visualizing a future that was never meant to be. I don’t want him back at all—I still have some self-respect left. But I sincerely hope he feels the same pain I am going through.
You attract what you think about. If you have insecurities you will attract the person that will validate them. This is why our worst fears sometimes manifest, the law of attraction was never just about positive things. Read more on it and don’t just focus on cutesy clickbait videos. Work on yourself and love yourself before attracting love, because if you don’t this will repeat.
I agree the issue is really the author of this post. When you put everything aside to focus on one person it looks desperate and desperate is always unattractive.
I agree with this. You put this guy on a pedestal and revolved your life around him. Think about the self concept that you have and be honest to yourself. Go within and work on your self FOR YOURSELF not for your SP. Other people wont see you worth if you cannot see it yourself. How can you truly love other people when you dont love and prioritize yourself. You got this OP we all have this moment, we all have that moment that will make us realize that we have to change.
There’s more to life than just the law of attraction. It sounds like he has avoidant attachment, and you might be showing signs of anxious attachment—those two dynamics can be tricky together. Honestly, this might be the universe stepping in to protect you (I was with a dismissive avoidant for 16 years before I finally left).
Your guy seems like a textbook avoidant. It’s worth reading up on it. Instead of blaming the law of attraction, think of this as the universe saving you from something that wouldn’t have been healthy. Now’s the time to dig into the psychology behind it—understanding how past trauma can lead us to chase avoidant partners who love-bomb at first, only to breadcrumb later when the excitement fades.
What’s meant for you will never pass you by, and what isn’t meant to stay will naturally move on.
Really love you for saying this
I agree 100% with this but OP, I'd just like to add a point about the LOA and the attachment style we're talking about here.
Try going more general. The Universe will never give you something that's not for you (this guy) but manifesting him specifically made you feel this way. Try manifesting love, happiness, comfort, the way you would want to feel in a relationship. To get to those feelings, you need to take a hard look at yourself and figure out if what you want are things that are not good for you.
I had anxious attachment style and I have a degree in Psychology. This attachment style makes us think that we want someone to love bomb us, to be crazy, possessive, jealous etc. and when we get that, we think we're happy, but that's not what real happiness is. That's anxiety and we think we want it because when we were younger, people who were supposed to love us, loved us in a way that caused anxiety. So now, when we're looking for love, we think we can't have it without anxiety.
It's not your fault that you have this attachment style but it's on you to work on it. Figure out what bad patterns of behavior you are displaying and work on them. Figure out what bad patterns of behavior you're looking to get from others and write down why those behaviors are not good. Figure out what's really good, do some reading on love, on what it's supposed to be like, consume educational content about love and relationships and you'll get there.
Then, go general. Once you figure out the way you want to feel, manifest that feeling, feel it every day, meditate and visualize and the feeling will come to your day-to-day life. You'll start feeling the love from your family, friends, pets, coworkers, strangers etc. You'll start displaying the same, healthy, real love. And then that person will come.
You're at the beginning of a wonderful journey and there's a lot of work to do, but don't make the destination the point of all of this. The destination is merely a positive consequence. The journey up there is what's important.
This might be hard to understand right now, and it's always hard to grasp these concepts in the beginning, but trust me, it all works out for the best. Always. The Universe knows what's best for you and the best for you will come. For it to come, you must feel the love, you must feel good and do things that spark actual joy to you.
Start small, work your way up and you'll get there.
This is a really great and helpful comment, xjen31.
Thank you, your right too lol...wow
Hey girl if you are shivering it seems like your nervous system is SHOT! And you need to take this man off a pedestal and you need to give the love you gave to him, TO YOURSELF! You are worthy of so much good. Please don’t give up. ✨❤️🩹
Thank you so much for these words! I’m committed to taking concrete action and working toward a better version of myself—I owe it to me. I will become the happiest version of myself, with or without a man, before I leave this world.
Facepalm. You attracted him into your life because of your insecurities and etc. Work on yourself first before asking for love because all you are ever going to attract are men like this if you don't change yourself first
That part! OP sounds like me several months ago when I chained myself to a toxic one sided situationship
Look i manifested a relationship that wasted almost 4 years of my life. What i learned the mosr from that is that manifesting should be used only to better yourself and your life. I feel like manifesting people especially is like playing with fire, or making a wish to a genie. Genies make your wish come true but theyll always be other unforseen circunstances/concequences. I really recommend manifesting for personal growth/self developmentect. Invest in yourself vs external means if validation. ,
Hey! I’m so sorry to hear your experience with the law of attraction! This definitely sounds like a hellish experience. I’d love to offer a perspective:
We don’t always attract what we are, sometimes we attract the necessary lessons we need to learn to become the people we’re meant to be.
I had an experience where almost everyone I considered a “friend” was a covert narc praying on my downfall. All so that I could realize that my own boundaries were trash and my self-worth was at an all time low. I was functioning from people-pleasing tendencies and being so fake with people that they didn’t really even know the real me.
All this to say is that the law of attraction will give you exactly what you’re being, OR what you need to elevate. It’s not personal, it’s simply vibrational.
Thank you for the perspective! I will put loa aside for a while and strengthen by boundaries against these cov narcs
Sounds more like your interpretation is the flaw here, not the LOA itself.
Your obsessiveness and attachment to him is definitely working againt Law of Attraction. It actually repels the subject.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Heartbreak is no joke.
I guess take this with whatever grain of salt you want. I'm no LOA expert, but I'm a woman in her 40s with some experience. The thing that sticks out to me in what you wrote is that you were manifesting him in particular. I think we get to set ourselves up for the what, but not the how or the who. I suspect that whenever you're ready to date again you'll find yourself in a superior situation with a more evolved person.
Focus on your healing. Try to go absolutely no contact, even social media stalking (and don't forget that social media is highly misleading- he may in fact not be out there "enjoying his life" at all, or that may be very short lived).
This is a great time for a new style, a new hobby, or reinvesting in people and areas of life you've been neglecting. Lean on those who care. If you need to, go to therapy for awhile. Exercise. You've still got to feel your real feelings to get through this, and attempt in earnest to learn your lessons here. We all have major life lessons to learn from our intimate realtionships. Even though it will be super hard sometimes, don't worry, just work your way through it, because this is part of life! Almost no one gets through life without unspeakable sorrow, unfortunately. But I promise, this will pass and you'll look back on him and laugh to yourself someday. You're worthy of a much greater, real love. When you're ready to pick yourself up again and look forward with clear eyes, you'll be in the right position to find it.
I hope this helps you...which is My Intention...
Your SP is ONLY a reflection of YOU. I know you probably don't want to hear this right Now. However I think it's going to help in the "Long Run": There is More to Life than An SP. There is More to Life Than Something Or ANYONE OUTSIDE of YOU.
"I was here waiting, affirming, and letting my life fall apart. I neglected my finances, passed up great opportunities ,I was waiting for...Etc". Ask Yourself Who Decided, Who Chose, Either Consciously or Unconsciously, To do these things? According to You, You have chosen to Wait, To neglect Yourself, and Then Wait some more...NOT THE LAW...However, YOU ARE THE LAW...and if YOU ARE THE LAW, and according to your own self, You have decided and made all these choices...Who really "ruined" you Life?
I guess taking responsibility is the first step. Don't be a Victim.. Be a Victor..Being a victim is giving your power away to something outside of you..I think you are much stronger than you realize and that if you have manifested all these "awful" things to your own self, You can EQUALLY and better manifest all the wonderful things You Wish and Aspire....However It is Your Decision to make...It IS a Choice..
My Aim was to help you...I feel You are young...and inexperienced in some aspects...Don't You Worry...Everything is working out for you...LOVE YOURSELF FIRST.,,,You'll attract someone alike.
You need to work on your self concept.
Don't judge yourself too harshly. You make it sound like it's the end of the world. I think it's your ego speaking. These situations happen to a lot of women, myself included, where we fall for love bombing because we have not yet invested enough in ourselves. When you invest value in yourself, then you don't fall for the love bombing of a man, but you assess him according to how much value he pours into you.
The reason you wanted him was to be happy, right? Isn't that still what you want? Knowing what you DON'T want helps clarify what you DO want. Your desire got bigger and clearer and now the contrast between that and the thoughts you have posted are even more painful.
How does the title of your post make you feel? What does that indicate about how in alignment it is with everything you've put in your vortex? "But it's TRUE!" Would you rather be right or happy? It's not about thinking delusional thoughts. It's about focusing yourself into ease and alignment.
It's easier to GO GENERAL first and align with the ESSENCE of your desire (call it relationship bliss) rather than focusing on one specific avenue you believe the universe has to deliver through.
Whenever you try to manifest something specific say, "This or something better."
Maybe that guy was never capable of relationship bliss with you and the universe knew it all along?
If you were in the feeling place of relational bliss and faith that it's on its way to you, how would you act? Would you sit around focusing on his rejection or would you be out there meeting new people?
Every subject is really two subjects: the desire, and the lack thereof. After he rejected you, are you sure you weren't focused on the ABSENCE OF WHAT YOU WANT and therefore attracting more of that?
How are you focusing now? Are you in alignment with your now desires? Welcome your emotions. Go easy on yourself. Gauge the usefulness of each thought by the feelings. Take the emotional journey one thought at a time. Sooth yourself back into alignment. Take your focus off of the one thing that isn't working and put it on the nine things that are.
Even if LOA is BS (and I'm not saying that) if you focus and feel your way up the emotional scale you'll take a shortcut to the happiness you wanted in the first place. And don't be surprised if you then attract the outward manifestation from this place of joy.
Listen to Abraham Hicks, keep practicing alignment, and be open and curious to learn.
Sounds like you might’ve attracted one of your fears
OP,
Respectfully....
I seriously believe you should consider speaking to a mental health professional. Your mental health outside of the LOA needs to be evaluated and addressed.
Wherever you currently are, whatever you're currently feeling, the opportunities you passed up, ALL of that is something you created for yourself. Let's put LOA on the backburner for a second.
You chose to hope and pray for someone who literally told you they aren't interested.
You created that the universe was testing you.
You chose to neglect your responsibilities because you were infatuated over someone who wasn't interested and who told you he wasn't interested.
The ONE thing you forgot is that EVERYONE HAS FREE WILL. The universe is not going to force the two of you together against another person's will. You neglecting your responsibilities isn't because of the LOA. It's because of a series of bad choices and poor decision making on your part.
Also, it is imperative to be sensitive and listen for guidance. I don't believe the universe would put you in this type of situation. You actually didn't need the universe to figure this one out. If someone isn't interested in you, just say goodbye and send them on their way. Everyone wants to find love. We ALL do. But the way you're going about it is harmful to your own mental/emotional health and well-being.
Weird. It’s a law so there’s that. You just don’t understand how to work it, but it’s happening whether you like it or not.
Well the permission slip for personal love is self love. So you abandoning yourself for a man is obviously unwise.
Rejection is God’s protection. I’m so grateful for all the scum bags that rejected me in the past cuz now here I am, happy, in love, financially stable and confident in myself. + my husband is that best man I could ever ask for.
This sounds like you need to work on self concept. You affirmed so much for him but what did you affirm for YOURSELF?
LOA aside just a life lesson we all learn one way or another, is we are our biggest investment, pour more into yourself than anyone else. And when you have established a core self belief, strong self concept and unwavering self value the people, experiences and even manifestations align to that version of you. I truly believe when we are madly in love with ourselves our life becomes magical. And self love is an ongoing life work. Start there.
Another life lesson is give yourself grace by allowing yourself to feel whatever emotions you are experiencing then move on (you can determine what moving on means to you). But the ability to pivot quickly from a dark, sad, negative or low vibrational place is a game changer and just makes life easier.
Sidenote: that man has not changed he is just love bombing the next girl. And let him.
I don’t think the problem is the law of attraction. The issue here is your inability to discern. A man who love bombs you is a huge red flag… Never think you can change a fuckboy lol
You HAVE to start with loving yourself first before anything else. The rest just flows in. But we do learn things from these experiences. Like how to create healthy boundaries with our energy. Love & light.
Hello mate.
You've basically brainwashed yourself with all this thinking and affirming about him. That's all it is. You're not ruined. You are not destroyed. The good news is that you can brainwash yourself back out of it. I'm not saying you weren't in love or that you didn't manifest, but that you reprogrammed your mind so much towards SP that it developed into obsession. You can fix this. It will take time, it will take effort (the same effort you put in around SP), but know that you will be okay.
Your mistake was that you didn’t focus on you. You were focusing on others, believing that will fix all of your problems. At the end of the day, there are no mistakes, only consequences. I hope that you learned something from this, besides “loa” doesn’t work.
LOW is a reflection of your self dear take a closer look at you.