Member-only story
I waited four years for an avoidant man to be ready.
Here’s what actually happened.
Every piece of dating advice I have ever read told me to leave.
“If he’s not ready after six months, he’s never going to be.” “You can’t wait for someone to want you.” “Love yourself enough to walk away.”
Reader, I did not walk away. I waited four years. And here is what nobody tells you about that.
1. He was an incel when we met.
Not the modern red-pill variety. The original meaning- a person who wanted to be in a relationship and wasn’t. In his mid-forties, he had quietly given up on the whole project. He had a sex buddy who flew in from the States occasionally. That was it.
This is the man I decided was worth my time.
2. He was genuinely kind.
This is where the story diverges from every cautionary tale. He wasn’t a project. He wasn’t a bad boy I wanted to fix. When we met, I was going through a rough patch and looked more like a trash can than a human being. He didn’t judge. He extended an olive branch for friendship and left the door open for when I was ready.
Kindness is underrated as an attractor. I am still a little embarrassed by how fast it worked on me.
