I’m working a dinner shift at a high-end Japanese restaurant when a man in a suit sits down at my section.

Customer: “Before we start, I need you to understand that I have a severe gluten allergy. Not a preference. Not a diet. If there’s any gluten in my food, I get very sick.”

Me: “Of course, sir. Thank you for letting me know.”

Customer: “I mean it. Cross-contamination, hidden ingredients, sauces, all of it. I need you to check everything.”

Me: “Absolutely. I’ll go through the menu with the kitchen and make sure we keep everything gluten-free.”

Customer: “Good. I’ve had restaurants take this lightly before. I can’t risk that.”

Me: “Understood.”

I head to the kitchen and speak to the chef.

Me: “Table twelve has a severe gluten allergy. We need to confirm everything: soy sauce, marinades, tempura batter, anything with wheat.”

Chef: “We’ll switch to tamari for soy sauce. No tempura. No standard marinades; we’ll make a separate gluten-free batch. Separate utensils, separate prep.”

Me: “Perfect.”

I go back to the table and let him know.

Customer: “Good. Soy sauce is a big one. Most people don’t realize it has gluten.”

Me: “Yes, sir. That’s why we’re substituting it.”

Customer: “And no shared surfaces, right?”

Me: “Correct. The chef is using separate utensils and prep areas.”

Customer: “Excellent. I appreciate you taking this seriously.”

Me: “Of course. Would you like to order some drinks while you look over the menu?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’ll have a beer.”

Me: *Pause.* “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t have any gluten-free beers.”

Customer: “Beer has gluten?”

Today I went to the endodontist to get a root canal. As he was about to give me a numbing shot, he found out that the “internet was down”.

Dentist: “I can’t do anything until the internet is back up.”

So, I am patiently waiting for them to resolve the issue. I could hear they were trying to talk with IT support.

After some time, I told the dentist:

Me: “I am a software engineer. Perhaps I can help?”

Dentist: “Sure!”

He shows me the server where he stores patient data. He had three patient rooms with computers connecting to this server.

The internet wasn’t really down. The clients just weren’t able to connect to the server. He allowed me to touch the computers. I checked and was able to successfully ping the server from the client computers. So, what’s going on?

I watched the IT person remotely try to use the software. I notice they are trying to connect to it using a domain name. I checked, is the domain pointing to the right IP? No, it isn’t! I get the software to connect to the IP. This works!

The doctor happily thanks me and gives me the numbing shot. Then, a minute later, the software stops using the IP. Something in it remembered the old server name. They went back to their IT guy, trying to fix it.

With my numbed mouth, I went ahead and just updated the hosts file on all the computers to point the domain to the IP number. This worked. They did the root canal.

The dentist thanked me:

Dentist: “I was going to have to close for the day if not for you.”

They didn’t charge me the $250 copay for the root canal!

I left a note for the IT guy who was supposed to come the next day, about what I did, and my suggestions about what he should do next.

Wish every issue in life were this simple to resolve!

I call one of the rooms after getting a very detailed noise complaint.

Me: “Hello, sir, this is [My Name] from the front desk. Your neighboring room has called to say that your conversation is too loud and you need to talk more quietly.”

Guest: “We’re talking at a totally normal volume!”

Me: “Yes, sir, but your neighbor has informed me that what you consider a normal volume is loud enough for him to know all about your colonoscopy that you had today, what the doctor found, and numerous other pieces of information that I am sure constitute HIPAA violations, were they not spoken at a volume loud enough to pass through our not exactly thin walls.”

Guest: “…”

Me: “Sir?”

Guest: “…We’ll keep it down.” *Click.*

I answer the customer line:

Caller: “This is ridiculous! I ordered three pizzas from you, and all of them are wrong!”

I double-check the caller ID, as I am confused.

Me: “This is [Customer Name], at [Street Name]?”

Caller: “Yes!”

Me: “Your order hasn’t even left the store yet. I am physically staring at it right now while on the phone with you.”

Caller: “What?! But I’m looking at your pizzas right now, too!”

Me: “They were delivered just now?”

Caller: “Just a few minutes ago!”

Me: “Is our store logo on the box?”

Pause.

Caller: “Uh… no, actually. It’s [Other Brand].”

Me: “Did you order pizzas from them?”

Caller: “No, just you guys.”

Me: “Well… I can’t speak for those pizzas, but the ones you actually did order from us are correct, and about to leave the store.”

Caller: “Why do I have these pizzas?”

Me: “I can only assume that [Other Brand] gave them to you by mistake, and by pure coincidence, you were also waiting for three pizzas so had no reason to refuse them.”

Caller: “I… don’t know what to do.”

Me: “Enjoy all six pizzas?”

Caller: “That’s too much pizza! This evening is ruined!” *Click.*

I don’t know how I’d describe getting a surprise pizza doubling, but ‘ruined’ is not the word!

A group of us is on a business trip to attend a conference. The conference finished late the night before, but our flight isn’t until late afternoon the next day, so our team decides to enjoy one last business-expensed meal for lunch on the way to the airport.

Coworker: “[Diner] has five stars on Google maps, and it’s off the highway on the way to the airport.”

That sounded good, so all of our go there via our rented minivan on the way to the airport. We’re surprised to see that there are no other customers in the place. We see a single waitress sitting in the corner, on her phone.

Waitress: *Without looking up.* “Sit anywhere. I’ll be with you in a minute.”

Not a great impression, but we’re here for the food. The six of us take up a big booth, and the waitress gets to us a couple of minutes later.

Waitress: “Have you ordered yet?”

Me: “We haven’t seen any menus.”

Waitress: “Menus are viewable via the QR code on the wall.”

There was zero indication of this, but whatever. I get up, walk over, scan the faded code, and after three attempts, am able to load up a slow and badly optimised menu. We pass my phone around, and everyone selects something to eat. When it gets back to me, we see the option to order directly via the app.

I have to get up and find the waitress again, sitting in the same corner as before, on her phone.

Me: “We’re ready to order, but—”

Waitress: “—You do it on the app.”

Me: “—but… we need to make some allergy accommodations.”

Waitress: “You do it on the app.”

Me: “We do? We didn’t see any option to.”

She comes thiiiiis close to rolling her eyes and wordlessly puts her hand out. It takes me a while to realize she’s expecting me to hand over my phone. I do so, and she scrolls all the way to the bottom of the menu to show me a badly optimized notes section.

Waitress: “Write anything you need in there.”

Me: “That sounds fiddly. Can’t I just tell you?”

Waitress: “You do it on the app.”

So, I sit down and write every allergy into the notes, and hit send.

Refreshingly, the food does come out promptly, but the waitress brings it out, tops up our drinks once, and then ignores us for the rest of the meal. I walk up to her again.

Me: “We’re ready to pay.”

Waitress: “You do it on the app.”

Me: “I’m paying cash. And I’ll need a receipt for my expense report.”

The waitress looks confused and walks into the back. I guess my request short-circuited her. She comes back a moment later with a check for the meal, and I put down the cash for it. I only round it up to the nearest dollar. When the waitress sees this, she has the gall to say:

Waitress: “You know, gratuity is expected at a sit-down restaurant.”

Me: “I’ll do it on the app!”

She did not like that one bit, but I got my receipt, and we left. I asked my coworker:

Me: “Are you sure that place has five stars?!”

Coworker: “Yeah! Look!”

Me: *Looking.* “Well, that’s on me for not checking. It only has one review.”

The coworker looked again and realized this, too.

Coworker: “Whoops.”

Also, the review was blatantly written by the owner of the diner. Imagine if ‘Bob’s Burgers’ had a single five-star Google review from a user called ‘BurgerBob1980’.