hats for every occasion

[rustic-sounding commercial narrator] here at Ashley Farms there's nothing our lungs love more than some good ol' fashioned inflammation and mucus

[i walk in wearing bib overalls, lean against a wooden fence post, and smile at the camera. shortly afterward I double over coughing for eight seconds, then collapse to the ground, unmoving. the camera cuts away just as a pack of ravens descends and starts tearing strips of flesh off of my forearms]